How to Defuse Anger

July 24, 2020


I remember one night where my wife was supposed to be home at a certain time. But she didn’t show up.

15 minutes went by. No show. No text.

30 minutes went by. No show. No text.

Every 5 minutes, my anger level rose. Finally, two hours go by, and she showed up.

I was losing control of my emotions. Anger was getting the best of me.

James, the half-brother of Jesus, wrote this: “Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; 20 for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God” (James 1:19-20).

To avoid the label of anger, James says, we should be slow to speak and quick to listen. Remember, as kids, we were told that God gave us two ears and only one mouth for a reason. That’s kind of what James is saying.

Because we want to be slow to speak, we should listen. That means we should be asking questions to gain understanding. So much of our anger comes from pride or assumptions. If we humble ourselves and seek understanding before we speak, berate, or correct, we’ll display wisdom. We’ll display as James say, the righteousness of God.

Text in Context: Read James 1:19-27

Reflect: What is the religious life that God desires? How do we demonstrate this? What does a non-righteous life look like? How does this correspond to James’ mirror illustration?

Respond: Think about a relationship that has struggled. What would have changed if verses 19-20 were applied? How will you put this passage into practice this week?

Prayer: Father, thank you for your Word. I know I haven’t always been slow to speak, but instead quick to anger. I am sorry. Help me to seek understanding and demonstrate your righteousness today.

If you found value in this post, please share your comments, questions, and prayers with us! Or share this post with your friends and family, here is the link:

My problem is addressed here--ASSUMPTIONS & NOT LISTENING-Not stopping my thoughts to gain understanding. Yes I needed this.
Thank you Nat for sharing that story I have a problem with being quick to anger lately I have been trying think before I speak now I am watching my son making the same mistake it is hard to see I am trying to teach him tell him that I made a mistake doing that and that he has probably gotten from me I just pray that he does not get as old as me to understand what it means
God was able to humble me in a very painful way to address this behavior. But, looking back, there would have been no other way to change me other than that method. Praise God for constantly looking after me. And making me better every day
This passage has helped me tremendously. Thank you, Lord.
These words in James never grow old; they are renewed every morning. I need to heed to these instructions, and let them resonate in my ears throughout the day. Please pray that I will do just that. Thank You!
We need to learn to slow to speak and .quick to hear
This is correct, quick to anger and ask questions later. This is not good for body, spirit and mind. Counting to ten doesn't work for me either. But when the person walks in the door, seeing that they're ok is a start. Let them speak first and the anger will disappear. Then ask questions.
I wish I practice this many year ago, but never too late to make changes going forward....
God is good all the time 🙏❣️ Amen
So true! Think before you speak! How many times I’ve heard that through out the years ! Sometimes I listened and sometimes I didn’t ! The times I didn’t I paid dearly and in the process hurt family and friends! But I had the sense to apologize!, but for some it was to late because of the hurt I caused! I learned a great lesson and you father God is the greatest teacher ! Amen
Forgive me for getting angry and upset so fast .Please help me control my temper
I just did exactly the negative response. A client stressed she was supposed to have a salad for dinner instead of the chicken alfredo prepared by the cook so the kitchen helped & I took extra care & prepared a lettuce, tomato, & cucumber salad which she immediately looked at & made a negative comment & walked out because there was no meat in the salad. Although I went back in the kitchen & got meat for her, I verbally expressed her u grateful & disrespectful behavior which I later regretted because it was not Godly behavior. My behavior was no better than hers.
Just what I needed today. My husband and I have been a little short with each other this past week. A little quick to respond rather than listening and taking the time to reflect before answering. So true that we need to humble ourselves! 🙏
Wow! I was just saying this morning that I have been getting angry over little things, I believe that is is being quarantined for 4 months, I must repent of this and be grateful for what I have! This was on point for me today.
It is a great reminder - isn't it!
Show me daily, moment by moment. Father God teach me.
Religion that is pure and undefiled before God the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world. Father help us to tame our tongues and open our ears.
Thank you for the beautiful, inspiring message today. I need to work on these things. Thank you for the download of the book. God bless you.
Good and Godly advice to the quick speaking and foolish 🙂
Quiteness is sometimes the best ANSWER.
I really need to practices this. Thank you Lord for your Word.
I have usually been slow to anger but not very patient. . Im learning to wait on the lord by fully try Trusting him. Jaynie
Helps me right now! Thank you Jesus
Really makes me look back on my life.
Needed this this Morning... Thanks so much!🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
James’ encouragement to speak less and listen more is very pertinent in today’s entitled world. If more of us would apply his recommendation, our world would be a. better place. Thank you for this sobering reminder.
Needed this!! I can relate! I am struggling in my relationship with a family member. Most times interacting with this individual leaves me angry, I wish at times that we didn't have to speak. As a Christian, I know that's not how the Lord wants me to handle the situation. I must reflect His love always! Thank you, these are the devotionals that keeps me grounded that when the tough time comes I can say: what would Jesus do in this situation? Father, pour out Your Holy Spirit afresh on me again today. Let me see through Your eyes, granting me wisdom to see things from your perspective. Help me when I get angry not to sin, be slow to speak, and quick to listen and talk things over with You. Thank You for Your mercy and grace!
Jesus left on our own it is hopeless to live a holy life. Please help, empower, encourage us to live for you glory and not ours! Amen
I love the book of James, so practical. God gives me opportunity to practice this verse with a loved one continually! I continue to be amazed how this one verse has helped our relationship. At times I see her anger melt away when I speak God’s word into her life. Thank you God for your powerful word which holds us in every circumstance.
This is my prayer every morning before heading into the office & one that I recite several times during the day. Thank you Jesus for putting this scripture on my heart daily.
I am so sorry. I can't imagine how hard that must be. You are right. It is a spiritual battle that can only be fought and won with the help of God!
Thanks for asking. She was ministering to a friend who was experiencing some hard trials.
I love the book of James. Thanks for the devotional this morning.
On time every time. I thank God for a wife that is patient and long suffering while the Lord changes me and puts in me a new heart.
Thank the Lord she was ok. What had made her so late.
Thank you for being the messenger. My marriage is barely hanging on by a thread. For many years now my husband has lied to me, wanted to marry someone else, left without telling me, sometimes overnight sometimes for days. It is spiritual warfare.
I am a work in progress with my temper since I tend to bundle it up and then just blurt out how I feel. I am trying to apply the scriptures.
I have had to learn how to control my anger. With the help if God, I am now able to identify when I’m starting to loose control and think about what I am doing. Sometimes my anger dies carry abut but then this scripture comes to mind. I thank God for giving me the strength .
Thank you. Perfect for my life right where I am.
First I wanted to say thank God for this scripture because I have been failing lately. Most of my frustrations comes from being in the house and doing everything from home. Most of the time it's unintentional it's like I am just tired of this pandemic situation. But I am working hard now for the last week to change the short fuse. I started reading my Bible more because I am surprised at myself. And I don't like me like that, so I am praying a lot more and asking the Lord to help me. Please pray for me. God bless everyone
I need you Lord my anger is controlling me help lord amen
I also have same problem. I think it is my privilege to anger when someone does wrong. I can't control. Making shouting is the only solution. Now god spoke to me with this message. Thank you Jesus
I, sometimes, have a problem with this. The thing is, I'm mostly passive-agressive with my anger.
Lord Jesus you know me fully and I have no control over my anger lord plzin your mercy change me father in your name amen