Marriage Done God’s Way: An Interview with Dr. Gary Chapman - Win the Day

I agree with your sentiment. Some spouses do use this verse to control and even abuse their spouses. Let's consider this verse in light of Scripture as a whole. We know that Christ is over the church as the husband is over the family. We find that in Ephesians 5:21-28. But in verse 21, it says submit to each other. Submit means to defer. To think of the other person's needs and desires above your own. So a husband is called to the same posture. It has nothing to do with being a doormat, but rather deferment. Also, it's important to remember that God has asked the husband to lead and take responsibility for the family unit. Does that mean he commands and everyone sheepishly falls behind? No. It means that God is asking him to biblically defer, to lead, to love, and to correct. And he will be healed accountable for his leadership. I hope this helps.